100 Clever Roasts to Use on Friends and Foes

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Whether you’re joking around with your best friend, roasting a sibling, or shutting down a frenemy, the right comeback can make you the funniest person in the room. The key? Keep it clever and playful—not mean-spirited. That’s why we’ve put together a list of clever roasts—funny, witty, and perfect for sparking laughter without crossing the line.

Here’s a collection of 100 clever roasts organized into categories so you can always find the right one for the right moment.

😂 Funny Roasts for Friends

  1. You bring people so much joy… when you finally leave.
  2. You’re like a cloud when you disappear, the day gets brighter.
  3. You bring balance to life every time you say something dumb, I feel smarter.
  4. I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.
  5. You’re proof that evolution sometimes hits pause.
  6. If brains were Wi-Fi, yours would have one bar.
  7. You’re like a math problem confusing and not worth my time.
  8. You bring out the child in me mostly tantrums.
  9. You’re like a software update nobody wants you, but we deal with it.
  10. Don’t worry, your secrets are safe with me. I wasn’t listening anyway.

🔥 Savage Roasts for Foes

  1. You bring everyone together… to talk about how annoying you are.
  2. You’re like a cloud dark, gloomy, and unnecessary.
  3. You have something I’ll never have bad taste.
  4. If I wanted to hear nonsense, I’d turn on an old fax machine.
  5. You remind me of traffic slow, frustrating, and always in the way.
  6. You’re like software on trial useless after a short time.
  7. You’re proof that mistakes can be consistent.
  8. You bring light like a dying flashlight.
  9. If ignorance is bliss, you must be ecstatic.
  10. You’re like a broken pencil completely pointless.

😏 Short One-Liner Roasts

  1. You look smart… until you open your mouth.
  2. You have something in common with clouds shady.
  3. You’re living proof that practice doesn’t always make perfect.
  4. You’re like Monday morning nobody likes you.
  5. You’re the reason shampoo has instructions.
  6. You have something rare talent for being wrong.
  7. You’re like a candle in the wind smoke.
  8. You’re like an app update more annoying than helpful.
  9. You’re like a puzzle missing important pieces.
  10. You’re like gum on a shoe hard to get rid of.

🤓 Nerdy Clever Roasts

  1. Your brain runs slower than Windows 95.
  2. You’re like Internet Explorer always late.
  3. You’re like a 404 error can’t be found.
  4. If you were a software, you’d be labeled “beta forever.”
  5. You’re like dial-up internet loud and outdated.
  6. You’re like a virus nobody wants you, but you spread anyway.
  7. You’re like a weak Wi-Fi signal unreliable.
  8. You bring as much value as expired antivirus software.
  9. You’re like a frozen screen completely useless.
  10. You’re like spam mail unwanted and ignored.

🏫 School/Work Roasts

  1. You’re like homework nobody enjoys dealing with you.
  2. You’re like a group project everyone wishes you weren’t part of it.
  3. You’re like an overdue assignment stressful and unnecessary.
  4. You’re like a stapler that’s out of staples pointless.
  5. You’re like a bossy coworker—loud but not helpful.
  6. You’re like a printer jam frustrating and time-wasting.
  7. You’re like a pencil without lead can’t make a point.
  8. You’re like office coffee weak and bitter.
  9. You’re like a broken ruler hard to measure up.
  10. You’re like an absent teacher nobody notices you’re gone.

👨‍👩‍👧 Family-Friendly Roasts

  1. You’re like a cloud in family photos blocking the sunshine.
  2. You’re like the remote control always missing when needed.
  3. You’re like dad jokes tired and predictable.
  4. You’re like burnt toast nobody asked for you.
  5. You’re like a leaky faucet annoying but hard to fix.
  6. You’re like chores nobody wants to deal with you.
  7. You’re like leftovers better forgotten.
  8. You’re like spilled juice messy and sticky.
  9. You’re like the Wi-Fi router only noticed when you stop working.
  10. You’re like family game night arguments guaranteed.

🎉 Party Roasts

  1. You’re like flat soda disappointing.
  2. You’re like karaoke embarrassing but entertaining.
  3. You’re like party chips gone too fast.
  4. You’re like an empty piñata no fun inside.
  5. You’re like the playlist nobody asked for.
  6. You’re like a deflated balloon useless at a party.
  7. You’re like cold pizza only tolerable at 2 a.m.
  8. You’re like an RSVP that never shows up.
  9. You’re like glitter annoying and hard to get rid of.
  10. You’re like the lights going out party’s over.

🐱 Playful and Light-Hearted Roasts

  1. You bring joy… like stepping on LEGO.
  2. You’re like Wi-Fi with no password too easy.
  3. You’re like bubble wrap fun for a minute, then useless.
  4. You’re like socks with holes awkward and uncomfortable.
  5. You’re like popcorn at the movies everywhere but not filling.
  6. You’re like a traffic light always on red when I’m in a hurry.
  7. You’re like a fortune cookie full of nonsense.
  8. You’re like chewing gum sticky but forgettable.
  9. You’re like the snooze button annoying but impossible to ignore.
  10. You’re like a selfie stick nobody really needs you.

🤔 Witty Clever Burns

  1. You’re like a cloud of dust irrelevant and irritating.
  2. You’re like expired milk nobody wants you.
  3. You’re like a speed bump slowing everyone down.
  4. You’re like reality TV loud but empty.
  5. You’re like a parking ticket unwanted and expensive.
  6. You’re like a mosquito small but irritating.
  7. You’re like an old phone battery always draining energy.
  8. You’re like an unsent text never making sense.
  9. You’re like elevator music forgettable.
  10. You’re like a “low storage” warning unwelcome.

🏆 Ultimate Savage Roasts

  1. You’re like a shadow always behind, never leading.
  2. You’re like bad Wi-Fi always cutting out.
  3. You’re like a rerun boring and predictable.
  4. You’re like fake news loud, wrong, and everywhere.
  5. You’re like a plastic spoon weak and disposable.
  6. You’re like a slow download—nobody has patience for you.
  7. You’re like expired coupons useless.
  8. You’re like broken headphones—all noise, no use.
  9. You’re like junk mail ignored by everyone.
  10. You’re like a dead batterycompletely powerless.

The art of roasting is about timing, wit, and delivery. With these 100 clever roasts, you’ll always have the perfect comeback ready whether you’re joking with friends, teasing your family, or putting a frenemy in their place.

Remember: the best roast leaves everyone laughing, even the one being roasted.

Now go ahead your favorite line and let the roasting begin!

Read Also :

+40 good roasts that hurt

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