150 Good Roasts That Burn So Bad and Leave Everyone Speechless

Need some comebacks that cut deep but make everyone laugh? Whether you’re clapping back at a friend or shutting down a hater, this list of roasts will keep your comebacks sharp and hilarious. Let’s dive into the ultimate burn book.

🔥 Brutal One-Liner Roasts

You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.
I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.
You have something on your chin… no, the third one down.
You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.
You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck thinking.
You’re the reason shampoo bottles have instructions.
You’re proof that evolution can go in reverse.
You’re not ugly. You just have bad lighting… always.
You have something on your face… oh wait, that’s just your face.
You bring everyone together—so they can talk about you behind your back.

😈 Hilarious Roasts for Friends

You’re the human version of a typo.
You have something on your lip—confidence.
Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen.
You’re like a software update. Nobody really wants you, but we have to deal with you.
You’re the kind of person who trips over a wireless connection.
You have a great face… for radio.
If you were a spice, you’d be flour.
You’re the reason they put directions on Pop-Tarts.
You’re not the dumbest person I know, but you better hope they don’t die.
You’re like math homework—confusing and unnecessary.

🔥 Savage Roasts for Enemies

If I had a dollar for every smart thing you said, I’d be broke.
You bring everyone down just by being around.
You’re like a software bug, constantly annoying and impossible to fix.
You have something rare bad taste in everything.
You’re not a total waste of space. Some of it’s still usable.
You’re the reason “mute” was invented.
You’re not even worth roasting… but I’m bored.
You make onions cry.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.
You’re so dense, light bends around you.

😂 Funny Comebacks to Use in Any Situation

I’d insult you, but nature already did that.
You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
You have something I’ll never have taste.
You’re like a software update—no one wants you, but we’re stuck with you.
You couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
You’re like a broken pencil, pointless.
You’re the kind of person who claps when the plane lands.
I’d call you a tool, but even they have a purpose.
You have two brain cells, and both are fighting for third place.
You bring so little to the table, you might as well eat on the floor.

🔥 Short Roasts That Hit Hard

You blink too loud.
You have a resting dumb face.
You look like your Wi-Fi signal. Weak.
You’re the reason we can’t have nice things.
You have a great personality for a background character.
You glow… like a microwave.
You act like you’re the main character of a horror story.
You’re not the vibe. You’re the warning.
You could trip over a cordless phone.
You think you’re slick, but you’re just slippery.

💥 Clever Roasts with Wordplay

You’re the opposite of progress.
You should carry a plant. You’ll finally contribute oxygen.
You’re like a comma in the wrong place annoying and confusing.
You run your mouth more than a marathon runner.
You’re proof that even the worst ideas get tried.
You must be a magician. Every time you talk, people disappear.
You bring the energy of a Monday morning.
You’re like expired milk. No one wants you around.
You’re so fake, Barbie’s jealous.
If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cabbitch.

😅 Light Roasts for Friendly Fun

You’re the sparkle in everyone’s cringe.
You’re kind of like a cloud—gray and in the way.
You have something rare—zero self-awareness.
You’re the reason the group chat goes silent.
You have such a bright future… in hiding.
You’re so lazy, you’d trip over a wireless charger.
You’re not slow. You just enjoy the scenic route to logic.
You couldn’t get a reaction if you were vinegar and baking soda.
You’re the human version of buffering.
You’re the kind of friend who makes me grateful for alone time.

🔥 The Final 20: Quick Zingers to Finish Strong

You’re not extra. You’re just unnecessary.
You’re like a candle in the wind useless and always flickering.
You’re the blueprint for bad decisions.
You’re not a vibe. You’re a virus.
You make lukewarm look exciting.
You’re the reason warning labels exist.
You have a face made for silence.
You’re about as relevant as MySpace.
You’re not deep—you’re a puddle.
You’re not built different. You’re just broken.
You make beige look bold.
You’re the opposite of upgrade.
Your energy has expired.
You’re the glitch in every system.
You drain batteries just by entering the room.
You’re a walking tutorial on what not to do.
You’re like a Monday—nobody likes you.
You’re the typo in life’s sentence.
You’re so bland, salt ignores you.
You’re the pause button on everyone’s good time.

🔥 Ready to Roast Like a Pro?

Whether it’s for fun, friendly banter, or shutting down negativity, these 150 roasts are all you need. Keep it sharp, keep it clever, and always read the room. Because a good roast isn’t just fire, it’s an art.